But who needs this service?
You'd be surprised...
As we've already told you, we've worked with all of the biggest names in cow descending. Obviously we operate with absolute discretion, but here are just a few testimonials from satisfied customers (names changed):
"When we needed a cow removing from our suite in the Dorchester, Bovine Descenders arrived quickly, and the job was carried out with the utmost professionalism and discretion."
Bonan Beating - BoysOwn
"My life would have been ruined without Bovine Descenders."
Princess Biana of Hearts
"We wouldn't use anyone else when it comes to getting cows downstairs in all our public buildings."
Unnamed source, Birmingham City Council
And we felt we had to publish the whole of these letters, as we feel it demonstrates our approach to the delicate business of bovine descent.
Dear Bovine Descenders
My son and I just wanted to express my eternal gratitude for the sterling bovine descent you recently performed at our home. Imagine my shock to find a 1500lb Guernsey in my son's bedroom. As well as his horror upon discovering Flossie couldn't make it down the stairs quite so easily as she negotiated the busy dual carriageway between her field and our home, or the apparent ease with which she accidentally punched in the alarm code to stop the burglar alarm being triggered while she wandered around our 2nd floor apartment.
Your team of professionals managed to avoid the distress such a discovery would have caused my wife, as well as going beyond the call of duty in disposing of the collection of materials he had for his chemistry coursework. Although quite what his school had planned involving 100 metres of rubber tubing and 5 litres of industrial lubricants is quite beyond me.
Thanks again for a job well done.
Oh and before I forget, Reginald Jr. asks if one of your chaps accidentally picked up a folder of photographs with the indemnity forms he signed. He seems quite panicky, apparently they're for an 'art' project he was working on.
Sir,
I am sending you the enclosed pot of rhubarb jam in appreciation of the professional manner in which your company dealt with the Charlois that was squatting in my mothers third floor bedroom last year. The "remains" of the occupancy have certainly improved the yields in the allotment this season.
I was particularly impressed with the way that your legal department liased, on our behalf, with the local council and other statutory bodies to ensure that the eviction was conducted in a professional, humane, and above all, legal manner.
I have recommended your company to several of my friends and would not hestitate to use you again should a similair problem with errant bovines arise in the future.
Regards,
Col H Trumpington-Smythe (Rtd)